1. Groom smells like his last bath was in the Tigris well before Ramadan.
2. Guests denied the seating they believe they deserved often set off IEDs in the reception.
3. No booze
4. Always serve mutton and stewed peas.
5. If you forget and kiss the bride SHE gets stoned to death
6. Door prize is a Christian sex slave
7. The only virgins at the wedding are those sheep who have outrun their shepherds
8. No paper in the loo only a sign saying “employees must wash their left hand”